From Villy Of Westlife.GR : My thoughts and feelings…22/10/2011 18:00
Sorry I disappeared everyone… I hope you all feel better after the shocking announcement about Westlife. It’s not easy for me, not easy at all to be honest. I know the following will sound like I over react to many of you but I wanted to share my feelings on here, on this site I love so much and I’ve spent so much time on over the years. I decided not to write as soon as their split (still can’t believe I am actually saying this word) was announced because I was not in the state to do it and I had to look after myself.
I start typing not knowing if I can find the right words or words good enough to express how I feel at the moment without sounding like I ignore the fact there are countless problems around the world concerning people’s health and lives…
To to be honest I was always thinking Westlife were not going to ‘officially end’. Not for many years ahead. I was thinking that in the coming years they would not be appearing with albums as often as we were used to which is absolutely normal for any artist who is in the music industry for as many years as the lads are. In my head it was something like, they would be taking years between releasing albums but there would not be a split. Obviously, no matter what myself or all of us fans have in mind it is the lads themselves who are in the band and the ones who will decide about their future.
The announcement of their split is a huge shock to me. I am 25 now and I was only 12-13 years old when I became a fan. How is it not having Westlife in my life? Do not ask me because I really don’t remember and I bet it’s the same for many of you around my age or younger. Suddenly it feels like time has stopped. For the first minutes after reading their announcement on Facebook I would not even be able to cry. I was just staring at the screen trying not to believe what I have actually read. ‘Maybe it’s a hacker, like the one who hacked Kian’s Twitter a few months ago?‘ was one of my first thoughts before seeing the announcement spread on all of their official pages.
That was it. The moment I was scared of all these years but was thinking it would not come was actually there. Tears came and would not stop, all the images were coming to my head, from the moment I first saw them up to the latest memories. All coming as a storm, exchanging scenes and my head felt like spinning. No sleep that night, only crying on the sofa. I was trying to calm down and think of something that would make me smile but it would not work as the first thing I normally think of in sad situations is Westlife. This time it just was not working obviously, it was making me feel even worse, bringing even more tears. That moment I thought of my mummy and lil dog. They were probably the only ones who could help me at the moment. I relaxed a little bit, still the tears would not stop falling, not for a second.
Thankfully the day after I had no work as there were strikes here so I could take my time to try and come to terms with what was happening. I kind of failed as then it really hit me. ‘It’s not a dream, it IS really happening.‘ I know many will say ‘they are only a band, no one has died.‘ and it is true… they are a band and most bands do take their separate ways usually, most of them do not even dream of surviving as many years together as Westlife have and I do know that myself. However, even though I know things go that way and I am sensible enough to see and understand that myself, at the moment it feels like this doesn’t make me feel any better.
For me they are not only a band. They are a huge part of my life, I grew up with Westlife, I do not know how it is not having Westlife. I have made some amazing friends through Westlife and I have had strong moments that made them more than just a band in my life. I do have my friends, my mum and Pitt (my lovely French Bulldog) to whom I can rely on and they definitely make my life beautiful but no matter how odd this may sound to some people, Westlife were part of what makes my life beautiful too.
Here, I want to say I am so lucky that my friends and mum understand how I feel in this difficult time. People who have not lived with me all these years to actually know how important Westlife are to me are no help as they will probably laugh or joke at me for the way I handle it and I do not blame them, you can only understand if you are in the situation not watching from a distance. However, my close friends and mum have been so supportive and make sure they make me feel better rather than making it seem like a non-important matter. They are here for me and they give me all the love I need.
Yesterday I had to go back to work… I have been working for the past two years in a bank, I don’t like my job at all, but I have to say yesterday was the first day it did help me. Staying at home makes me feel depressed and devastated, at least there I was able to not have time to cry. I still have this stomachache, still have tears writing this, still feel like I wish I could be stronger and handle this better than I do, still think I will be crying all the way through the concerts on next year’s tour and still feel I will not be able to enjoy these last few months of Westlife even though I wish I could, because I know it will all be bringing me closer and closer to that day when there will be… no more Westlife.
Finally, I want to say that I love Kian, Mark, Nicky and Shane forever and will always support them. As much as this hurts, I respect their decision and thank them for everything they have given me. There are not words enough to fit in one paragraph so I will thank them properly on a different post when I find the strength to think and write about those memories.
Much love and hugs to everyone